On March 18, 2009. What would have been an amazing day for me and my hubster to be...
We went to get my sonogram done so we can make sure exactly how far along I was and how healthy the little one inside me was... It was a nightmare. My worst fear came true...There was no heart beat. The doctor just gave me a pat on my my back and said maybe next time. We were so caught up with our loss we didnt realize how insensitive he was.
Well..the truth of the matter is that I had a miscarraige & it destroyed me. I had my dnc done yesterday morning...and luckily they knocked me out for it. But, now I am recovering & this does not feel nice at all... Everyone tells you stay strong...things happen for a reason.. and not to question God... But why? I dont want to hear that... It may be true... but no one deserved a happy family more than we did. Then they say " You're young... Try again... You'll get your chance..." I dont want to go through this pain again... of course when I get better we will try again...but i always have the fear of losing it again...I will never have a relaxing pregnancy or one I can enjoy.. This pain will always be over my head. Most of all, whenever October 17 comes around (what would have been the expected due date). I just feel like I let my lover & best friend down... Like I could have done something differently to change the results. I know the doctor said it was a chromosome issue..but still...I am a human and can't help but wonder all the various types of.."WHAT IFS?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment