A POINT OF REALIZATION

WHEN DO YOU STOP AND REALIZE THAT SO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED YOU BY AND YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETED THE GOALS THAT WERE SET TO BE REACHED? AS I HAVE BEEN PACKING UP MY LIFE THESE PASSED FEW DAYS, (WE ARE MOVING INTO OUR NEW HOME!! YAY!) I HAVE FOUND SO MANY "ARTIFACTS" THAT DESCRIBED ME. OR SHOULD I SAY , " THE OLD ME." - WHEN THEY USED TO CALL ME TINA.

I FOUND OLD POEMS- FROM A POINT IN A MY LIFE WHEN MY EMOTIONS WERE SO SIMPLE SO THOUGHTS WERE EASILY PROCESSED.

I FOUND SKETCHES, PAINTINGS, AND DESIGNS- FROM A TIME IN MY LIFE WHERE I WAS SO CLEVERLY CREATIVE AND THE WORLD WAS AT MY FINGERTIPS FOR THE TAKING.

I FOUND PHOTOS OF MYSELF- I LOOKED SO YOUNG AND WAS SO NAIVE... I TRUSTED EVERYTHING ANYONE EVER SAID AND ALWAYS GAVE PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. I BELIEVED IN KINDNESS AND GOOD HEARTEDNESS WAS IN EVERY SOUL. OH DID I PROVE MYSELF WRONG AS I GREW OLDER.

HERE I AM PRETENDING I FOUND MEMORIES OF MY PASSED AS IF THAT PART OF MY LIFE WERE DEAD. I KNOW MY LIFE HAS DRASTICALLY CHANGED. FOR THE BETTER IN MOST ASPECTS! BUT I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP ON THE REAL ME. THE TRUTH IS I AM NOT ONLY A MOTHER OR SOMEONE'S WIFE. I HAVE A PERSONALITY. I HAVE TALENTS. I HAVE MY OWN MIND AND OPINIONS. ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEM PROPERLY. I WANT TO BE FUN AGAIN AND BE CAREFREE FOR A DAY.

Japan

It's been over a week since the devastation and destruction in Japan has occurred. I am not Japanese or have any friends that are, but I am HUMAN... All these natural disasters like Chile, Haiti, and even Indonesia years ago.. people talk how the end is near but people just don't realize these are warning signs..

I love the idea of technology and scientific discoveries but the earth is not a one to mess around with. Perhaps everyone has gone to far? Is it too late for the "going green" team to get more followers? Is our earth already destroyed?

I can't help but imagine all of those childless parents or parentless children... infants not even getting a chance to walk our ground. All we can do is pray. I was raised in a Catholic family and although I am not super religious, I do believe in a greater power. This greater power is our creater and we are powerless. Our fate is up for grabs.

God bless all those who are suffering from this tragedy..

*here i am*

Here I am today.
Finally a mommy! The entire time I have disappeared from this blog world I have been working on my degree (graduated!), working on building an honest marriage (still studying!lol), enrolling for my masters, and most importantly being only the best mommy I can be.

My daughter is my world. Although, she drives me nuts and I haven't slept in over 5 months, she is all I have that is purely honest, lovely, and trusts in me. I truly believe that once I get the ball rolling and go back to work & school- leaving my little baby girl in the hands of another is going to be such a challenge.

Being a house wife & a mother was never in my plans when I was college. But then again, never did I imagine being fully dependant on a man. It is a horrible feeling because I would never get the credit I deserve for all I do for my family just because i'm not handing over pay checks. -Terrible-
I will get what I deserve through hard work and I give myself the credit.
I will become the woman I want to be and no one will hold me down.
I need to be role model for my daughter & I need to make myself proud.
xo

a new day

well yes. living my life Is what I'm doing. working hard paying bills saving money keeping my home nice and trying to patch up the holes in my life. it hasn't been easy at all. I feel like I grew up in a year. sometimes I forget who I am.. and the only way to get back to me is to take a break. the real cristina would be taking dance classes ( not only because she loves to dance but that's the best way to get in shape-especially salsa) I would be taking cooking classes like pastry art or art classes! these r my hobbies.. what have I done lately? none of them. why? because I don't have that luxury at the moment. But I'm working hard and although my hard work is not noticed nor is it appreciated it will be one day.

ItS bEen A WhilE: UPDATE

Well... Instead of blogging about my life I decided to take break and live it a little bit. I went to Aruba and had a wonderful romantic getaway and they july 8, 2009 we got hitched in yonkers city hall. Carrie of me isn't it? haha. Alot has changed. But is marriage really everything its caught up to be? its all the same as before but harder. Two days after our marriage shit floated and some untold truths came out. Im still recovering. They should make it a federal law to require lie detector test before couples decide to wed. I have nothing to hide. My passwords are out in the open. My cell phone is left on the table and I'm not afraid to walk away. god..how pathetic are men.. why are they "strong" when they shouldn't be and refrain from crying and "weak" when they shouldn't be. You would think you know someone.. But, does anyone really really really know someone? People can live their life and let their life be lie. I feel fooled. And we are working on our newlywedded marriage already. i just pray some people would wake up and realize relationships are about sacrafice and the unconditional love you give without being selfish. Its hard to rebuild trust when the other half wont lay down the bricks. I love my husband and know he loves me too. But like other men, he is one of them. And like other women, so am I. i knew we were meant to be and knew we weren't going to be perfect. BUT GIVE ME A BREAK. im a good woman. too good. too too too good. and here i am now. Dry.

HurrrAyy!

What a relief! My semester at Baruch is finally over and I only have one more class to go. This summer is going to be full of hard work, fixing up my home, spending time with my little family and swimming! It feels nice to be grown up and make your own decision. My life has changed so much and although at times it is a bit overwhelming I have a wonderful support system to keep me grounded and remind me that it is MY LiFe and moves are made when I MAKE THEM. ahhhhhh this is wonderful...

YiKEs

Im graduating from Baruch with a BBA in Marketing Management but I do not know if that is what I really want for myself. I only went to business school because my mother wanted me to have a diploma for "back up." HAHA! And look how that turned out! lol.. Can't get mad at mom for trying though, I would have told my daughter the same. The truth is I don't know if that's what I am meant to be.. I am a very creative person who gets bored easily & likes to help people.. and I want a flexible career where I can focus on my family. ANy SuggesTions. Oh & I thought about being a nurse...but I hate blood..it makes me weak.. The only thing I think would be good for me is becoming a grade school teacher or something. IDK. I just know I don't want to put pressure on my hubby to be. I too want to be a provider. I want to be SUper WOman!